Day 59
Monday April 28th
Have you ever gone free diving with only a snorkel and a mask? You know the temporary feeling of panic you get when your snorkel fills with salt water and catches you by surprise? Your brain in a microsecond realizes that you are under water and that you can't breathe. As fast as your synapses can fire, your brain is seized by fear. The adrenaline starts pumping. Your soul freezes. Fight or Flight sets in but there is nothing to fight, no where to flee. Your under water and your one link to fresh air is full of more salty water. Then the microsecond passes and the brain equalizes. Common sense, experience, and training sets in. You have been there before and know what it is all about. You slowly surface, clear the snorkel and breath a deep lungful of cool sea air. You barely remember the lightning bolt of panic later after all is said and done. It is nothing too disturbing, just an initial reaction.
That panic, that is kind of how I feel today, except it is not over in the flash of an eye. Its lasting all day and will probably keep me up all night. Strange these brains of ours..., then again it is Monday after all. Maybe it is par for the course. Oh and over the weekend the Red Sox got swept by the D-Rays, quite possibly one of the worst teams in the history of baseball. When it rains it pours....
Day 56- 58
Friday April 25th- Sunday April 26th
I wanted to paint all weekend but somehow lost
Have you ever gone free diving with only a snorkel and a mask? You know the temporary feeling of panic you get when your snorkel fills with salt water and catches you by surprise? Your brain in a microsecond realizes that you are under water and that you can't breathe. As fast as your synapses can fire, your brain is seized by fear. The adrenaline starts pumping. Your soul freezes. Fight or Flight sets in but there is nothing to fight, no where to flee. Your under water and your one link to fresh air is full of more salty water. Then the microsecond passes and the brain equalizes. Common sense, experience, and training sets in. You have been there before and know what it is all about. You slowly surface, clear the snorkel and breath a deep lungful of cool sea air. You barely remember the lightning bolt of panic later after all is said and done. It is nothing too disturbing, just an initial reaction.
That panic, that is kind of how I feel today, except it is not over in the flash of an eye. Its lasting all day and will probably keep me up all night. Strange these brains of ours..., then again it is Monday after all. Maybe it is par for the course. Oh and over the weekend the Red Sox got swept by the D-Rays, quite possibly one of the worst teams in the history of baseball. When it rains it pours....
Day 56- 58
Friday April 25th- Sunday April 26th
I wanted to paint all weekend but somehow lost
my motivation. I am not feeling very creative. I don't really want to tap into that part of my brain right now. Being creative would mean dealing with feelings and emotions I would much rather ignore for the time being. Being creative and working that into a canvas means standing before the world naked and vulnerable. I am tired of being vulnerable. I like my walls. Maybe it is an "artiste" thing, or a French thing, or a Catholic guilt thing (I know I am not Catholic but go with it right).
I try to read instead. It doesn't necessary drown out the voices and the whirlwind in my mind's eye, but it at least dulls them a bit. Poor escapism I know, but an escape nonetheless.
I try to read instead. It doesn't necessary drown out the voices and the whirlwind in my mind's eye, but it at least dulls them a bit. Poor escapism I know, but an escape nonetheless.
Butterfly in the sky, I can go twice as hightake a look, it's in a book, it's reading rainbow!
Day 55
Thursday April 24th
Okay I admit it, I am lazy and good for nothing. So be it, as it has been spoken so too shall it be. Tonight I blogged a few days. Things were rolling then that which we shall not speak about happened. I turned off the battle-scarred Mac and turned on Grey's Anatomy. But come on seriously, it hasn't been on since December 6th! Hey even Superman had his kryptonite right and Kerouac his booze, Bukowski his underage girls, Pinero his needle? I can have Izzie & the doe-eyed Lexie. Okay okay okay? I am comfortable in my alpha male sexuality to admit it. My name is Aaron and I am addicted to overly dramatic poorly written sensationalized hospital serials set in rainy Seattle. Hey I am cool with it...
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